What lays behind, what lies ahead
by Surfingpichu
Summary: Olimar returns to Hocotate, only to realize he can no longer relate to the people he once knew.
1. I have returned, I am at ease

_**Journal entry #1: 1:29 AM**_

At long last, I make my triumphant return to planet Hocotate. Those are words I've been planning to write for a little over three months now, but now at last I can write them and mean them in earnest. I'll admit here and only here that it's not quite as exhilarating as I'd imagined it would be. We've arrived in the middle of the night, for one. Not a soul is going to be awake at this hour, but I, in spite of being worked the last few months to both mental and physical exhaustion, am wide awake. I know that on the ground my arrival won't be entirely unnoticed. My wife, son and daughter have been messaging me almost non stop since I informed them that I was on my way back, I'd hoped to arrive to a welcoming party, something with a lot of fanfare to announce our safe and successful arrival, and the end of my travels on the Pikmin planet, but I suppose that the most important people who could be there will be present. I can't wait to see them in person again, at long last.

The journey home has been a quiet one. Louie and the President have been sitting next to me in silence for the better part of our 300 light year trip. Of course, it's taken only a few hours to cross at warp speed, but even now the time seems to drag. Trying to talk to Louie is harder than ever. Ever since the incident with the Titan Dweevil he will barely speak a word to me, or anyone really. I've tried to convince him that the incident wasn't his fault, but he doesn't seem interested in listening to me.

I wonder if I've touched a nerve with him.

Leaving him behind on the planet was a mistake I'll not be forgetting soon. If I ever manage to forgive myself for it I'll be surprised, though the President has insisted that the oversight wasn't my fault, nor was it the fault of anyone associated with Hocotate Freight. It seems to me that he may just be saying that to avoid a lawsuit, but I'll try to take him at his word just this once.

We're approaching the planet's surface now. I can finally see the rings of my beloved Hocotate rising above us once more. It feels surreal to be returning home after so much time spent away. It's been so long since I've been here, and yet the familiarity of it all makes it feel as if I'd never left.

We're landing now. I will continue to update this log with the details of my arrival on the ground as soon as I have the chance.

 _5:45 AM_

I am at home in bed at last. It has been a whirlwind of a night. I didn't realize how long its been since I felt the warmth of someone beside me as I lie here, at last free from the confines of my space suit, able to breathe freely the unfiltered air. I don't think I've ever seen my wife cry like that, but today we both shed tears of joy. Back home with my family, my children, I feel complete again.

We sat up for hours upon returning home, as I recounted my adventures on the Pikmin planet to Ollie and Maria. They seemed pleased with the souvenirs I managed to smuggle back for them out of the treasure hold, though, I hadn't realized how big they would be. They barely fit in the house, but its of no matter. I'm sure that tomorrow we will find a way to get them inside.

I can't believe how late it is. Tomorrow I'm sure there will be much more time to talk. The president has given me a few days of leave to recuperate from the long journey. It's the most generous I've ever seen him.

 _ **Journal Entry #2: 1:15 PM**_

When I wrote yesterday that I would have time to talk, I didn't expect it to mean that I would be giving a speech! Apparently back on Hocotate our success on the Pikmin planet was no secret. No sooner was I even slightly conscious, my wife had already begun pushing me to the closet, remarking that I'd lost weight. All things considered, she's not wrong. Everything I wear feels loose and ill fitting now that I've returned. I suppose all that running around and living on instant space noodles helped me slim down quite a bit. I don't think I'll be making that a regular habit, however.

I feel as if I've been smiling and greeting old friends and distant relatives all day. I'd hoped that I would be able to spend time with my wife and children today, but today the stars seemed to have different plans for me. My voice feels so hoarse from talking so much. This was at least a little closer to the greeting I'd hoped I would get upon my return to the planet. Perhaps it would have been were it not so late at night. Still, be as it may, I'm pleased to see so many people have turned up to welcome me back. If I'd known so many people would be this happy to see me upon my return, perhaps I would get lost in space so often.

I kid, of course.

I've told the tale of my thirty days alone on the Pikmin planet more times than I think I can count now. By now I could probably write a book about it. Several books even. Perhaps once I've settled down from my daring life of an explorer and treasure hunter, I will live out the rest of my days writing the story of my time on the Pikmin planet.

I will call it "There and Back Again"...

… or perhaps something else. I'll probably need to write it all down first. One step at a time, Olimar.

 _7:30 PM_

I feel almost as exhausted as I did at the end of my Final Trial on the Pikmin Planet, but tonight I felt something I've not felt in a long time. At ease. Talking so much was a laborious task, but being able to watch the sun go down without needing to scramble back to my ship was a gift in itself. Ollie and Maria won't stop asking about the Pikmin. I've shown them the images I sketched in the margins of my Captain's Log but they want to see them up close. Ollie has insisted that I bring one back as a pet for him, but I can't imagine they'd survive for long in our atmosphere. Oxygen may be toxic to us, but to them it must be a necessity. Without it, they would surely perish. I can't imagine subjecting them to such a fate.

I've learned quite a bit since my return to Hocotate. Apparently my discovery has earned the interest of the Galactic Federation, and has been in the news across several systems. They've named the planet without me it seems, dubbing it 'PNF-404'. I can't say I'm very pleased with the name. It sounds so clinical and distant for something so exotic and full of life.

I have to admit, I'd hoped I would be given a chance to name the planet, seeing as I was the one who discovered it. I suppose it's a dream that will just have to wait until I uncover another uncharted planet.

I haven't eaten this well in ages it feels like. I'll admit, having Pikpik brand carrots again makes me feel strangely nostalgic. I'm afraid my wife may have caught me glancing wistfully into my bowl once or twice. I'll have to make sure to be a bit more discrete next time.

Anyway, this has started to become a long entry. A long entry, and an even longer day. I believe I will retire now, and try to spend my last few days of leave at ease.


	2. It was all more than I had thought

**_Entry #3: 12:53 PM_**

Another surprise this morning. Some reporters knocked on our door, early this morning and asked me to share some thoughts about my time on PNF-404. They claimed that they attempted already to contact Louie, but could get no response from him. Not much of a surprise, coming from Louie.

I'd hoped to share some of my experiences with the Pikmin with them, but they seemed more interested in hearing about the enormous treasures that we unearthed from deep beneath the planet's surface. I suppose that makes for a more interesting story, but I feel almost guilty taking all the credit when it was really the Pikmin who did most of the work. I suppose telling their story will come in time.

 _3:10 PM_

Four more reporters have shown up on our lawn. I was tempted to send them away, but my wife insisted we go out to meet them. She's loving the attention. I haven't seen her wear this much make-up in years. There's a vain part of me that wishes they would use a younger photo of me in the reports. My hair has become so thin of late, and I grimace to think that my balding head has been seen across multiple systems with news of the newly discovered planet.

No one seems interested in hearing about the Pikmin. Nobody except for Ollie maybe. I could sit with him and talk about them all day, but the press has kept me otherwise occupied. I never imagined that returning to Hocotate would mean doing so much talking.

I can't help but wonder what Louie is making of all of this. He's probably not said anything of it at all. Deep down there's a part of me that really hopes he's driving them mad.

 _9:59 PM_

I hate reporters. If I see another reporter today, I might throw myself into the jets of a fiery blowhog. I'm done talking for today. If anyone wants me they'll have to come back tomorrow.

 ** _Journal entry #4: 8:30 AM_**

They came back.

They're coming in droves now, and what's worse, there's nothing I can do to fight them off. My wife says I'm just being a baby.

Objectively I probably am, but I also don't care.

Discovering a planet brought me more notoriety than I thought it would. The fifteen minutes of fame was nice, but it's quite overstayed its welcome by now. How much longer until I can move on with my life? I almost found myself wishing I was back on the Pikmin planet today. At least against Bulborbs I knew I could fight back.

 _2:10 PM_

Its over for me. Tell the President that I fought valiantly, but ultimately I've been defeated.

The reporters outside seem to reproduce like sheargrubs. Where one disappears two more rear up to take their place. They're relentless. It is the end for me.

 _8:50 PM_

At last they are gone. I've not felt relief like this since I found the engine to my beloved Dolphin. Ollie and Maria are sitting on the couch now. They've finally stopped asking for more tales of the Pikmin Planet, though at this point I think I'm grateful. My voice has grown quite hoarse from overuse of late.

I've noticed that lately our dog, Bulbie, has been acting strangely around me ever since I arrived back home. He used to be so affectionate towards me, but now he seems nervous and skittish. Have I really been gone for that long?

Today has been nothing but difficulties. I do hope that tomorrow is at least a bit quieter.

 ** _Journal Entry #5: 6:04 AM_**

I haven't had a nightmare like that in ages.

The dying screams of Pikmin were echoing all around me. I was running from a monstrous Red Bulborb, but no matter how fast I ran, I couldn't lead my Pikmin to safety. Every single one was devoured, and I was left with nothing but the chorus of their screams, echoing in my ears.

I never had nightmares like this while I was on PNF-404, at least, not ones that were this vivid. It took me a moment to even realize that I was still on Hocotate when I awoke. I'm relieved that my fitful sleep didn't wake my wife. The last thing I wish to do is make her feel the need to worry. The time for worry is over.

The nightmare is fading but my hands are still trembling. I think I shall make myself some tea and try to forget about all of this.

 _8:20 AM_

There are less reporters today. Perhaps the deluge has at last ended. For all the time I spent talking yesterday, I haven't seen a single story covering PNF-404 on the news yet. Makes it seem like all that time spent out in our yard yesterday was a waste. The thought is a little cathartic at least, if not a bit disheartening.

I fear I may still be a bit on edge from the dream I had last night. All morning long I've been checking behind me, for fear that something may be following me. More than once I've felt a prick of terror from realizing that I am alone, without any pikmin following me. It seems like a strange thought, but the absence of their tiny footsteps trailing after mine makes walking alone feel almost lonely. Back on their planet I missed the sight of my family, but now that I'm back here, I feel that I miss the pikmin. What a strange paradox I've uncovered.

 _2:13 PM_

I'm more on edge than I'd imagined. I went out for a Pikpik Smoothie, and while walking home a dog came up behind me. I have no idea what came over me, but the second I heard footsteps behind me I turned and reached down to grab a Pikmin, only to realize none were following me. I laughed about it then, but I haven't stopped thinking about it since I got home. My wife thinks I should see a therapist about it. I think she may be over reacting.

Ollie won't stop asking about the PNF-404. I don't think he understands just how dangerous a place that planet can be. He's asked more than once that I take him there, but I have my reservations. Maybe when he's older. Much older.


	3. I cannot face this garrish sun

**_Journal Entry #6: 5:45 AM_**

Another nightmare. This time it was Snagrets. A legion of them shot up from the ground beneath my feat and began pecking at me until I was nothing but raw bones. A terrifying dream to say the least. This is the second night in a row I've woken up shaking. This is also the second day in a row that my wife has suggested that I go and see a shrink. I'm trying my best not to be offended.

 _7:48 AM_

They finally ran the story about PNF-404. I can't say I'm pleased by it.

They portrayed the planet to be a brutal, hostile place, filled with nothing but danger and monsters, but laden with huge amounts of treasure. In the interviews I did my best to portray the planet as I saw it. There were parts of it that were hostile, yes, but just as much it was a wonderous place that never ceased to amaze me for the entirety of my time there. It was lush, and green and full of life, and the Pikmin were just as much a part of that as all the other life forms that inhabited the planet. Giant, towering flowers that grew tall over your head, and long, blue lakes that stretched out for miles on end. If it wasn't so dangerous and toxic I'd have never wanted to leave.

The President obviously put some kind of spin on his side of the story when _he_ was interviewed. If his accounts of how he "Bravely rescued Louie from a den of ravenous, man eating spiders" was any indication of how he'd garnished the truth, I'm sure little of what's being shown is going to bare much semblance to what really happened. I'd love to set the record straight, but I don't think I ever want to speak to a reporter ever again.

 _4:36 PM_

My wife and I fought for the first time since I arrived back here. It's only been three days and already we're back to squabbling. It wasn't even something I would normally bother fighting about, I barely even remember the topic. All I remember is being mad. She hasn't spoken to me in a few hours, but its nothing that won't pass. We've fought before, but I regret allowing it to happen so soon.

I'm starting to think she may be right about going to a therapist. There's a chance I might be starting to lose my mind, but it's not something I'd ever admit out loud. Perhaps I just need someone to talk to about the matter. Perhaps it will all pass soon enough.

 _9:50 PM_

There's nothing like a romantic candle lit dinner to relieve the tension from a night of squabbling. She admits she can barely remember what the fight started about, but the emotions were more deep seated than I'd originally imagined.

I'd imagined that my being on a world like PNF-404 worried her, but I never knew to what extent. She put on a brave face, that was for certain, but I never knew the trauma that it caused her. I never knew it caused her so much grief.

She told me that every day she wrote me, she worried there would come a day when I wouldn't write back. She never put that into words, she feared that if she did that the stars would allow it to happen, so she never mentioned it. She didn't want me to become distracted, or feel the need to abandon my mission.

The month I spent stranded on PNF-404, she said, was the longest month she'd ever lived through. I told her that I'd felt the same way.

I told her that I'd spend more time at home from now on. I don't know how truthful that was, but I'll do my best to honor it.

 ** _Journal Entry #7: 5:45 AM_**

I hesitate to say it, but I think life may finally be back to normal. No nightmares. Tomorrow I return to work as planned. I don't want to say it out loud, but I'm anxious to get out and fly among the stars again. I am a captain, after all. It's in my nature to never sit still for too long.

 _6:45 AM_

The president called. He's taking a few additional days off to expound upon the story of our journey. He's suggested that I do so as well.

Normally I wouldn't object to being given extra time off, but I fear I may be going mad sitting around at home. Going out is perilous, for fear of being intercepted by someone looking to run another story about PNF-404. I have to say, I rather hate that name. It does nothing to capture the majesty that is that planet. No one else on Hocotate could possibly understand that.

I suppose I should go back to bed, but sleeping after the sun's come up makes me incredibly anxious anymore. I can't help but feel I'm wasting precious daylight, precious time that could be used for something. For what, I'm not sure. The nagging hasn't stopped since I got here.

I think I'll go out today. I don't know what I'll do, but I need to go somewhere.

 _1:00 PM_

I'm surrounded by my own people, and yet I've never felt so alone. The intrigue for the planet I discovered has by now worn off, but now I can barely think of a thing to talk about with anyone I meet. Has it always been this lonely here?

I can't even imagine what I used to talk about with people. It all seems so trivial now. I can't imagine there's anyone who can understand what this feels like.

I suppose, except for Louie. I wonder if it has been the same for him.

 _8:39 PM_

Everything is fine. I'm fine.

I'll write more about it in the morning. I need to sleep.

 _2:39 AM_

It's morning enough. I can't sleep. I must talk about this now.

The day I'd dreaded finally came. I finally snapped. It wasn't as violent as I'd feared it would be, but the shame still feels like a weight on my chest.

In my defense it was justified. A few company reps from off planet contacted me today, asking for the coordinates to PNF-404. I don't know what came over me, but the things they were talking about doing there, the things they were suggesting for the planet. Excavation, landscaping, climate conversion, all things that would effectively kill the planet, and more importantly, the creatures living on it.

I snapped. I admit, I've been one to lose my cool in the past over trivial things, but this time was nothing like that. I shouted, I told them that their intentions horrified and disgusted me, and that they'd need to pry the coordinates from my cold, dead hands.

I'll admit, I'm a little impressed with myself. They seemed rather shaken, but I really caused a scene. This likely did nothing. They'll be going to the President next, and he'll likely sell them everything down to the soil on the planet in a heartbeat. All I really did was make a fool of myself.

I don't want to show my face anywhere now.


	4. My gaze is turned toward the stars

**_Journal Entry #7 - 11:38 AM_**

I slept until nearly noon today. Normally I would panic knowing that half the day is nearly gone, but today I barely have it in me to care. What's the point in worrying now? My life is on Planet Hocotate, not that accursed PNF-404. The President can do what he will with the place. I'll be having no more of it.

My wife still doesn't know about yesterday. She barely noticed that I didn't wake up with her this morning. Would she really notice so little if I was gone? Or is she hiding her worry again. It's hard to say, but today I'd rather not guess. I'm not ready to face the world yet, but I know I won't be sleeping again soon.

I need to speak with someone who will understand all this, but the only person I can think of is Louie. Judging by the silent treatment he was giving me on the way back to Hocotate, I believe he might still be mad at me, and he's never been one for conversation anyway, but I feel as though I have no one else to turn to. I certainly can't talk to the President about it.

 _3:30 PM_

My son has been asking me to tell him about PNF-404 again, but I can't stomach the idea of telling him any more than I have. The more I say, the more enamored he becomes with the place, but after what it's done to me, the last thing I should want is to have him suffer the same fate. The disappointment in his face broke my heart, but I can't with a good conscience continue to fill his head with such idealistic images of such a savage world. He doesn't understand it, he can't possibly, and it is my chiefest hope that he never will.

 _5:43 PM_

I've attempted to contact Louie. I'm not very optimistic about getting a response, but it's all I can do now. I have to clear my mind, and even if it is just to speak to someone who understands what I'm saying, even if he won't reply, I feel like I need this. I feel like I'm breaking apart, and worse, without reason.

I offered to treat him to a meal if he agreed to come with me. Hopefully the extra push will be enough to prompt a response from him.

 _10:31 PM_

I got a reply sooner than expected. Lunch tomorrow at 12:00. It's strange but, I almost feel nervous.

Should I perhaps wear a tie?

 ** _Journal Entry #8 - 12:05 PM_**

He's late. This isn't unexpected from him, but I'm growing nervous. What happens if he doesn't show up at all?

Am I really going to worry about being stood up by Louie?

 _12:15 PM_

He's arrived. Fifteen minutes late, but he's here. He doesn't seem angry, though he did seem a bit annoyed when I tried to start up a conversation while he was attempting to order something. This menu is a little pricier than I'd imagined. I hope my wallet isn't going to regret this.

 _12:42 PM_

Things are going slowly. Just as before, it's almost impossible to figure out what Louie is thinking. I've told him my experiences over the past week, but I can't tell if he understands or not. Has he been feeling any of this? None of it? Come on Louie, give me something to work with here!

 _1:20 PM_

It's been over an hour. I can't get him to respond. I've asked him how life is with his Grandmother, what he's been doing since he returned, if he'd been interviewed at all. Nothing. Not a peep. I can't remember if this is what he was like while we were on PNF-404 or not, but I know I never remembered feeling this frustrated.

This is a waste of time. I should have known it.

 _1:52 PM_

It's been two hours.

I'd nearly given up, but I'm so glad I didn't.

I spent two hours driving around the point that I was really trying to make. I don't think I even realized I was trying to make it until I asked.

I still can't believe I did.

After two hours of small talk, batting around the subject, trying to skirt around what I was really trying to say, it all came down to the one, most important thing that I could have asked.

The reason that I needed to come here. I think we both knew it before I even asked.

I asked him if he wanted to return to PNF-404.

He said yes.

 ** _Journal Entry #9 - 5:49 AM_**

So much has happened I don't think I can think straight, but I'll summarize the best I can. I can't believe we are doing this, but it feels so right.

Louie and I stole off into the night after Lunch. I paid the bill, and as we walked home we discussed the possibility of returning. I told him about the off planet contractors, the president, my fears for the Pikmin. In the end the only course of action that we could come up with was something I shiver to put into writing. I pray no one finds this journal.

We are going to return to PNF-404, and we are going to do it by stealing a ship from Hocotate Freight.

As I write this I am waiting for Louie at the rendezvous point, dressed all in black. It all seems to unreal, like it could easily be just one of my nightmares, but at the same time I'm excited. In a strange, morbid way, I want to go back there. If only to ensure that those greedy money grubbing offworlders don't destroy the planet the way I fear they will. Louie and I are alone in this now. We have only each other.

 _5:59 AM_

Louie is later than usual. Normally this wouldn't be concerning, but we don't have the time to wait around. If he doesn't come soon, I'm going myself.

 _6:04 AM_

I'm going.

Engines are set for lift off, and there are only minutes now until launch.

I'm doing this.

I'm really doing this.

Louie didn't show up, but I'm not that surprised. He never did follow through when it came to keeping his word.

I'll always be a man of my word.

And I'm going back to PNF-404.

 _6:05 AM_

I think I've been caught. I can hear voices. I killed the engine, but I fear its too late. They're approaching.

I think I can hear Louie's voice. I knew I couldn't trust him.

 _6:07 AM_

They'll never take me alive.

To whoever reads this journal, allow this to serve as a warning. PNF-404 is a planet as beautiful as it is dangerous. Please do not attempt to seek it out, but if you must, know that I have done all I could to protect it.

 _2:15 PM_

In retrospect, I always have been one to assume the worst, but today I'm actually surprised, and for once, its for the better.

Louie and the President came to call on me. Apparently the President contacted Louie this morning, but didn't manage to reach me before I arrived.

He didn't mention anything about the offworlders I'd met. I'd expected a verbal lashing, the likes of which I'd never experienced before.

Instead, sympathy.

The president was always a cold fellow, greedy, harsh, unsavory sometimes, but today, I noticed something else in him. Compassion? It's probably just my imagination.

After some talking we came to the point. Hocotate freight is in debt once again, and Louie and I are to return to PNF-404 to further pay our debts.

He won't need us to leave until another two week's time, but our departure is to be promptly then. We aren't to return until our debts are paid once again.

I shouldn't have, but I think I feel relieved, and on Louie's face I was sure I saw a hint of a smile.

In two weeks time, I will return to PNF-404 with Louie at my side. It is a return to toiling, to be sure, but a true adventurer is ever pulled towards the stars.

I think tonight, I will tell Ollie of all the adventures he didn't have a chance to hear yet, and I'm sure the next time I return, there will be even more to tell.


End file.
